I'm Not In Texas Anymore

“I will walk by faith even when I cannot see.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 

Has The Lord ever called you to go to an unfamiliar place that you have never been before? A place where you don’t know a single person within a two hundred mile radius? This was Charlottesville, VA for me. When I accepted my spot in the Fellows Program, I was just being completely faithful to God and hoping that he was leading me to a place comparable to Texas.

You see, I love Texas. I was born and raised there, went to college there…I even have a nephew named Texas. I didn’t know what to expect from my time in Virginia. In all honesty, I started off with a bit of a bad attitude. My thoughts were: “The amount of trees and mountains make me claustrophobic”, “It gets too cold,” “Everything is organic?” and “I won’t be eating any decent Mexican food for a while…” It wasn’t that I didn’t like Charlottesville; it just wasn’t Texas.

But God has challenged me on these preconceived notions. Especially this one: “People are nicer in Texas”. My first few days of interactions with people were great, but they were a whirlwind of meeting so many new people and being exhausted from the two and a half day drive up from Texas. One of my favorite parts was getting to know people in smaller groups. One conversation in particular stands out:

We were driving to a cabin in Lexington over our first weekend retreat. There were four of us in the car talking about a range of topics, when finally, they asked about part of my story. I ended up telling them about paying for college and graduating with debt, and how money has always been a struggle for me. Thinking about this still brings tears to my eyes because when I finished telling my story, my new friends—that I barely knew—started to rally behind me, telling me how fired up they were about my struggles, and how they were on my team. If I needed help, they were there and would find ways to help me out.

At that moment I knew God had proven me wrong. These people were as nice as Texans. Even more, I felt secure in these relationships and felt Christ’s love all around me through the support of these new friendships. I am not sure yet why The Lord has brought me here to Charlottesville, but I know that the people I am meeting here are some of the greatest that will be placed in my life.

–Ashley Crank (Fellows ’15)

A Reflection on Wisdom

“She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed” (Proverbs 3:18). Wisdom. She has been a life jacket to me lately.  She’s kept me a float. She’s kept me safe, protected, and deeply rooted in the scriptures. Maybe for the first time, I’ve embraced her. Or maybe just relied on her more heavily than my own human mind. And, boy, have I been blessed.

Upon graduating from The University of Georgia in May, I moved to Charlottesville, VA to begin the Trinity Fellows Program- a nine-month leadership and spiritual development program that equips first year college graduates to embrace the church, engage in God’s world, and explore what it means to live out an all-encompassing faith. Attempting to clearly articulate all parts of the fellows program is difficult. This year is busy, challenging, and from what I can already see, powerfully formative. My host family’s home is a haven of peace, my job in youth and children’s ministry is a joy, and seminary classes I’ve always yearned to take are challenging me beyond measure. I’ve been surrounded with fifteen talented and loving “fellow fellows”, who are quickly becoming people who both love me well and inspire me to think deeply about the world. In the midst of one crazy transition, I’m experiencing the most beautiful communion with God that I’ve ever experienced.

Life is messy and ever changing. You know this well- I am sure of it. Yet wisdom never changes. She is absolutely infallible. If you’re anything like me, however, your pride probably tells you you’re already pretty wise. You know God. You’re following Him. You read the Bible. But, are you really seeking wisdom? Here in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, God is chiseling away the parts of me that are idolatrous and selfish. He’s continuing to bring healing and victory over addictions. He’s showing me the true meaning of community through relationships and a God-centered church. Above all of this, however, He has given me this authentic, all-consuming thirst for wisdom- an unquenchable desire to read His word and know it. A desire to surrender my own yearnings, and to abide fully in His words and ways. I challenge you to dig. Dig deep within your own heart, and, I challenge you, meditate on wisdom for a while. You may come to realize just how much God wants to bless you, strengthen you, and bring you into closer communion with Him.

Checking the Rear View Mirror

Have you ever had one of those moments when you pull into your driveway and realize that you don’t remember driving home? I’m having one of those moments. All of a sudden, I looked up and realized that I am 4 days short of being home for Christmas and halfway through the Fellows Program. How did that happen?! I don’t want to let all the wonderful experiences from the last semester slip by, so I think it’s time for a study break to reflect on the past 4 months. I still remember pulling into my host family’s driveway right as my host mom was putting out a sign that said, “Welcome Home Keri!” in purple paint that still hadn’t quite dried all the way. This very same sign would stay in the driveway for the next month, reminding me that this really was home. I remember walking through the front door, directly into a flurry of hugs and introductions, followed quickly by the order to put my shoes back on because we were going to a party. I went from not knowing a soul in Charlottesville to meeting 10 former fellows and an array of Trinity members in the span of an hour.

The next morning I nervously walked into the Trinity foyer to overhear Elizabeth and Hannah telling someone they were new fellows. I cannot begin to describe to you how relieved I was to know they were there, and I didn’t even know them yet! By the end of the service I had been introduced to Murry, Kristin, Christine, and Alex and John gave me a hug but didn’t introduce himself until much later. Typical J-Flan.

Of course there was the Kick-Off Banquet where we tried to determine who was a current fellow and who were the former fellows we were supposed to be learning from. That’s where we all met David, who’s name we didn’t even know until that night! As we awkwardly huddled together looking up at the barn window, none of us suspected that we would be taking the picture that would adorn websites, blog posts, Christmas cards, and even the cake we ate for dessert at Roundtable last week. To be fair, it ended up being a great picture. Not to mention a delicious cake.

Who could forget our adventurous weekend of rafting and climbing? Nothing like facing your biggest fears the very first weekend to facilitate group bonding! Thank you again to whoever decided that we should climb the cliff in a girl-guy pattern and volunteered me as tribute to take the lead. You owe me. I do have to admit though, sitting on the top of that ledge was one of the coolest things I have ever done.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the precious time spent at Alex’s cabin for the testimony retreat. It was beautiful to be able to share in the tears, laughter, sorrow, and joy peppered throughout the stories of the other Fellows.  What a gift to be invited into each of their lives for this part of their journeys. Of course, the cherry on top was the opportunity to laugh and rest together, with the highlight being watching Alex pancake Dennis in a tubing war. There is, of course, an abundance of photographic proof.

New York. That happened. From listening to Mako Fujimura, to watching visual artists perform, to figuring out which of the shower stalls at the hostel was least likely to be hazardous to my health, New York was an experience. We stayed busy the entire time, but we still managed to make time to take a picture in Times Square. It’s all about priorities, right?

At long last there were the much anticipated youth group retreats for high school and middle school. The jury is still out on how “Modgnik” is pronounced and whether “Tree-hugging Tilly” is actually Rachel’s real identity. It cannot be denied, however, that Ben and Rachel love these youth group kids with all their hearts. I am constantly impressed by their dedication to serving and loving these kids. I would be even more impressed if they actually drank the smoothies of death they get the kids to drink at youth group, but I seriously doubt that will ever happen.

The Calling and Career retreat at Michael’s cabin may have been my favorite weekend in the Fellows Program so far. Despite the fact that I did not hear a voice from God telling me what my future vocation will be starting June 1, 2014, I left feeling full. Dennis graciously gave me the opportunity to lead a discussion about the Clifton StrengthsFinder, which opened doors to some beautiful conversations about using our gifts as a way of serving this community. The memories I will treasure most though, are sitting on the stairs with Rachel, Mallory, and Elizabeth just talking about life, listening to Christine, Jordan, Hannah, and Wilson play music that I’m fairly confident I will hear again in Heaven, being with Elizabeth when she got exciting news about med school, and listening to Jordan talk about his passion for music. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything.

However, to think that the experience of the last 4 months can be captured in snapshots of weekends away would be a gross transgression. The heart of this program is found in the everyday things; in laughing around the dinner table on family night, in getting a superhero pillow from your host brother because your room is “too girly” and you “need it more” than he does, in driving to Richmond with your host sisters to find the perfect homecoming dresses, in laying hands on a hurting sister at bible study, in tackling hard questions with youth group kids after smashing each others’ faces in baked beans in the name of Jesus, in the look of relief on your boss’s face when you accept a huge project without complaint and turn it in without mistakes, in listening to Dennis’s kids tell you about St. Thomas for the 16^th time and still loving every detail, in sitting with Jess just talking about life and checking the clock to realize it’s been 3 hours, in getting a hug from Greg and really understanding how much love is being conveyed, in staying up late to study for your final exam because you actually want to know about God’s faithfulness throughout generations, in waking up to 30 missed messages on the group text stream, in being volun-told that we will stack every chair owned by Trinity Presbyterian Church as many times as humanly possible over a 9-month period,  in waking up early to make coffee and pancakes for our church family on Sunday mornings, and in the truths God is whispering into each of our lives as we journey through this time together.

I know that when I go home for Christmas, my family and friends will ask me to tell them what I’ve been up to. I will try, but I make no promises that I will be able to really convey all that I have experienced in the last 4 months. The truth is, there is no readers digest version. We serve a BIG God and he writes the stories of our lives in equal proportion. There is no 20 questions description for this experience. Is it bigger than a breadbox? Yes. Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral? Nope. I can only say this, if you could see my heart (the spirit-like one, not the one full of chambers and an aorta), you would see a joyous party. It hasn’t all been fun and games; we ran out of chips a couple times and somebody broke an expensive vase, but it is a wonderful celebration nonetheless and it’s not stopping anytime soon.

From a Host Family's Perspective

This entry was originally written for Trinity's website and weekly publication of Trinity Life. My name is Brian Uthlaut, and I'm writing to encourage you to do something maybe a little bit crazy, maybe a little bit overwhelming, maybe moderately uncomfortable. Would you consider hosting a Trinity Fellow this year?

With three children ranging almost three to almost nine, our family's days are spent similarly to many of yours—running to and from work and around town; getting children fed, clothed, taught, practiced, to bed...hopefully without injury, meltdown or forgetting something major along the way. Trying to figure out how to connect more with friends and family. It doesn't ever feel like we are "caught up" on much of anything, let alone everything.

Two summers ago, my wife Heather and I responded to Dennis Doran's requests for host families for the Trinity Fellows Program, as we felt a calling to open up our home to give what we could—a roof overhead, some good food, time with our affectionate and energetic kids, and a real look at the joys and challenges of life down the road—to these young people and to our church family.

Two years later, we have been blessed in ways that exceed our giving in the relationships that we have built with the two fellows who have been, and will always be, part of "our family." Hosting fellows has brought community to our home, when we might not have pursued it as actively, and has stretched us outside of our comfort zone in a good way.  As we take part in the lives of people wrestling with how to enfold what might be seen as fragments of faith, occupation, calling, love, family, community all into life, we're reminded to continue to wrestle actively with that as well, when life can so easily lapse into those separate fragments as we live by the clock and the calendar.

On top of these blessings, our children have had the sweet and joyous gift of a really big brother, who cares about them and invests in their lives. They learn about intergenerational life and the appreciation of others' needs with Fellows living with us and joining our family. Just as in so many aspects of our life in the Lord, we can easily think that we don't have enough of what it takes to serve Him and the community around us—not enough space, not enough time, not enough energy. It doesn't take as much as you think, though, to make a difference in a Fellow's life and for your family's life to be blessed in kind.

Please email us (Brian Uthlaut or Heather Uthlaut) if you'd like to talk more about life with a Fellow.

Brian and Heather Uthlaut

Reflections on the Year

“Satisfaction comes only when I spend intentional time with God. It comes when that original longing for God—a desire that’s been mutated into a thousand splintering directions—gets redirected back to him.”

One of the hardest and most beautiful lessons this program has taught me is how easily I turn to other things, people, and desires to fill my heart and how quickly I lose sight of my Savior. One of the most stretching parts of this program is learning how to balance: balance work, classes, relationships, and most importantly time alone with Jesus. Through the busyness, I have consistently learned how incapable I am of doing this program on my own without feeling completely depleted. You may be thinking, “Why would I want to do a program that leaves me feeling exhausted and struggling with these tensions?” Well, I can confidently say that during the past nine months, I have experienced and been reminded of the truth that God’s presence is the only place we experience fullness of joy. Furthermore, as I become more aware of my failings, I have experienced grace and the Lord’s love for me in a deeper, richer way.

Through our seminary classes, speakers, and trips, I have been challenged to contemplate what it means to serve God on this earth through my passions and understand more clearly how we are created to live here on earth. I have been stretched to really explore these truths and how they relate to my life as a Child of God as well as who I am individually. I am so thankful for the ways I have been challenged and inspired to dream big, think deeper, and wrestle with ideas I may not have been exposed to outside of this program.

Probably the most unique part of this program is that while you are learning more about your brokenness and flawed heart, there are people walking beside you, encouraging, challenging, and consistently loving you. From our mentor relationships, small group leaders, and host families, there are countless people who truly care about your heart and desire to walk through this transitional period of your life with you. There is also something unbelievable about having thirteen friends who are experiencing this program with you, rejoicing, struggling, and growing together. These fellows have shown me more about God’s love, the way I function and process the world, and how to live in a community than I ever expected coming into this program. The support, deep love, and inspiration I have experienced through this program has been truly amazing and life changing.

Ashley Parsley--University of Virginia 2012

Reflections on the Year

Community.  It’s something we all crave and desire in our lives.  We’re always talking about it, always searching for it; and yet, I think, always avoiding it.  Sure, we want the community – the sharing, the group hugs, the supporting shoulders – but are we willing to work for it?    Well, we need to be, because community is hard, and it’s real, and it involves constant sacrifice. The development of our community in the fellows program has been simultaneously the most incredibly difficult, yet the most profoundly rewarding aspect of this year.  Together, we have been learning how to move authentically towards one another in love.  It is a move that rejects the fear and insecurity we carry inside catapulting us into the struggle, pain and joy of one another’s lives.

Personally, this has been so very hard.  Throughout the year I have been reluctant to move into places of vulnerability, instead hiding from those who have come to know my story best.  To be sure, I have grown; but at times it has felt like taking two steps forward and one step back.

As we are learning to walk together in love as a Fellows community, each week the guy Fellows gather to work out how to love one another specifically as men, brother-to-brother.  Two older, wiser men guide us, and insist that our communal growth requires commitment, to each other and to the Kingdom of God.  For hours each week we listen to one another’s stories, struggling at times to understand how to put off the sin that so easily entangles, and run with our brothers in the midst of difficulty.  This has been a time, amid all the business and the fun, to abide and be revived.  We gather in order to enter into deep solidarity with one another and bear one another’s burdens – the sowing of seeds and the tilling of good soil that good fruit may grow strong in our community.

In order for community to flourish, we have had to learn reject our desire to hide and blame one another.  We must instead turn outward, face our brothers, name the work of God in each other’s stories, and bless them with intimate knowledge.   This is difficult, in both opening up our own stories and entering into another’s.  But, my friends hear me: this is how we must love, this is how we build authentic community, and this is how we know our God.

Jonathan Coopersmith-Grove City College

Reflections on the Year

I am so thankful for the year I have been able to spend in the Fellows Program. We were asked to share expectations of the year on our first retreat and I shared that I wanted God to shatter my view of community. I never expected for God to give me the community that I have encountered here in the Fellows program. Each of us comes from very different walks of life, but we each have a desire to learn more who God is and how we can represent Him to the world. I have had the privilege of seeing how God has taken 14 very different people and knit us together in such a beautiful way! I came to the Fellows program with somewhat of a broken view of community and through Greg’s teaching, my classes and simply living life with these wonderful people, I have learned that every person has dignity as a human, but as Christians we have the opportunity to celebrate that dignity. When person is loved for who God made them to be instead of loved for who someone wants them to be, they are able to flourish. I have experienced personally and witnessed firsthand this flourishing this year.

The Fellows program has pushed me to think about the world in a different way. I have grown in my love for the local church and its involvement in the world around us. Through learning a biblical perspective on our role as Christians in John Cunningham’s class to learning about how to engage culture as a Christian in Wade Bradshaw’s class, I feel like my faith can no longer be compartmentalized and I look forward to opportunities in the future to be involved in my community and the world around me.

I have seen my view of work change as I have been an intern in an office and I feel like I have come into a realization of what my gifts are. While they might not be with working in a business setting, almost every facet of the program has affirmed that I need to be working with people whose dignity is not celebrated and restore it to them in whatever way possible. God has given me a vision for counseling possibly in the future and I am so thankful to have had so many opportunities to figure out why this is a good fit for me.

Through living with a host family I have seen radical hospitality take on an entirely different meaning. Craig and Lisa Wood took me in as a Fellow this year, but I have also had the privilege of meeting many other people who have stayed at their house over the course of the year because they view their home as a place for God to make people feel welcome. They have exemplified and demonstrated hospitality in a way that I have never seen before and I plan to take many of the things I have learned from them to my future home!

Over all my experience in the Fellows Program has been very positive and I am very glad I decided to do the program. While it has not been easy in the least, I consider all the hard moments very beneficial because of all the things that I have learned and am taking away from this year.

--Sarah Powell, James Madison University '12

Reflections on the Year

 

A few weekends ago Trinity’s Youth Group, along with the numerous leaders and a crew of daring parents, embarked on a journey down to the wintry sands of Virginia Beach.  Having been thoroughly exhausted each Sunday evening this year because of the two hour Oasis/Wired D-Group sessions, the idea of spending two days at a beach with my rambunctious renegades that some people call 6^th graders was unsettling to put it mildly.  Not to mention, that inevitable departure date just happened to fall on the Ides of March: I do not believe in superstition, but the Soothsayer’s fateful words from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar were ringing in my ears the week prior.  All that is to say, my mind constructed a wildly fearsome weekend involving sleepless nights, grueling wrestling matches, and frigid Atlantic waters.  Upon reflection, I realized that my fears came true, but in the way that prayers are answered.  God flipped my anxieties on their head; He made beautiful what I found unappealing; His presence at Beach Weekend was amazing and gracious.

It all began with the bus ride.  Colin Davis (my co-leader) and I learned we were in charge of five kids.  Neither of us lives by Machiavelli’s principle “it is safer to be feared than loved.”  It is not that we choose to be loved- simply our methods of discipline do not stand the test of rebellious middle school boys.  Therefore, we must feign affection as we are tackled to the ground rather than relegate the insurgents to a time-out.  A three-hour bus ride, a giant bucket of Dum-Dum lollypops, and boys who have been sitting through school all day eagerly anticipating this vacation seemed like a deadly combination for the defenses of Colin and me.  Keep in mind these deep-seated conceptions of 6^th Grade Devotion Group when I paint the next scene.

James (a kid I normally associate with the helicopter game where I grab his arms and spin him around until I get dizzily sick, and then launch him away as if I were performing the Olympic hammer throw) sat down next to me midway through the bus ride and asked, “What do you want to talk about?”  These exact words were the start of every bunk bed pillow talk with my little brother as we grew up together.  I had not heard the innocent, loving words in ten years.  James did not ask me a question regarding an earlier prayer request; James did not have a planned conversation with an agenda; James did not talk about himself.  He selflessly inquired what it was that me, the 22 year-old leader, would want to talk about with him, the 12 year-old disciple.

Queue the brain racking sequence!  I remembered what it was like to be in the 6^th Grade.  Certainly chaos was fun: cafeteria food fights, finger jousting, the shouting game, etc.  But also I did have deep friendships; I was pretty darn sure that I would marry Jessie Miller; I had realized that marriages were not always destined for constant and perfect harmony; I worried about the way that I acknowledged friends in the hallway; I had lost my grandfather, Papa, and my dog, Tucker.  Despite these mature feelings, my dominant form of communication, especially with older guys, was friendly combat.  I realized that amidst the games of musical chairs, shoe relay races, capture the flag, dodge ball, dodge frisbee, and helicopter spinning, James and I had become near and dear friends.  I had just viewed our relationship (and that with all of my D-Group boys) through a faulty cultural lens that situated me as the giver, and them as the receiver.  Not to mention, my work was in vain.  To me, it was a task of the Fellows Program: an hour in the morning, and two in the evening, then Sunday is finished.  It is easy to wear yourself out when you think that you are the center of everything.  God had been working in me through these kids all year and I was blind to it- talk about grace!

Back to the bus ride: After my middle school recollections I realized that James is not a ball of energy that I am to entertain for three hours a week.  He is my brother.  He pours into me, as I try to pour into him.  We grow together in our knowledge of God, and our love for Him and each other.  I had intentions of praising Beach Weekend (most notably Susie Marotta’s sweet potato biscuits), but I suppose this is more of a reflection on Youth Group as a whole: that all the wrestling outside in the grass to retrieve the keep-away ball does lead to a greater wrestling match: one that allows friends to reach in and lend a hand in our walk with our Lord.  I hope that I am teaching my kids something, whether it is through the study of Scripture, or knockout on the basketball court.  I know however that the kids are teaching me how to love.

As parents arrived at Trinity to pick up their children, James walked up to me with his sister and dad.  “A hug?” he asked as if it was a request that needed granting.  It is funny to me that 6^th Graders feel welcome to climb all over me, but a hug requires permission.  Needless to say, it warmed my heart.  I had to fight back a few tears as I opened my arms.

And a little child shall lead them, indeed.

--Woody Granger, University of Virginia '12